I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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