I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
