Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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