her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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