she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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