Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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