I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
