He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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