dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize