Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
