I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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