So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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