wrigley field is MILF paradise
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
