I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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