my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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