Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
honey bunches of taint.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
