I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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