I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize