matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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