Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
