The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just found puke in my bra..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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