I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
