bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
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putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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