Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Two words: nipple clamps
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