I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So squirting runs in the family.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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