just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
