You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
