I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
