I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
