even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
