I just threw up on my dentist
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
