so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
