we should wear snuggies to the strip club
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
