Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
