This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He passed out mid-signature
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
