She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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