I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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