and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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