Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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