I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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