Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
