i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
