Christians are straight up FREAKS
You're so nebulous sometimes
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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