I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
