just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
