the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish you could order shots online.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That accounts for only three of the penises
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
