Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
