aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
