Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
