The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
