I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
