Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
