And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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