Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
