we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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