just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
