how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
