I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
