If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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