New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
