..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
