It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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