You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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