So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
