good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
