Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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