He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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When in doubt, it's too much cheese
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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